Negative Self Beliefs
You would rather be right than happy. If you need a refresher on this, go back to week three and re-read the post I wrote on the topic. You will always choose to belief information that makes you right, even if being right makes you miserable.
If you believe you are ugly, you will gravitate toward people who treat you like you are ugly. You will ignore the people who tell you you are beautiful and treat you with respect, you might actively avoid them. You would rather be right than happy.
If you believe all men/women are cheaters, you will actively avoid anyone who gives off loyal vibes. You’ll find them unattractive, or boring, or whatever. You’ll seek out the men/women who are clearly going to cheat on you. You’d rather be right than happy.
We all have dozens of negative self beliefs that make us unhappy, because we would rather believe them and be right. We look for proof they are right, over and over, because when we are right, we feel secure. And its better to be secure and miserable, than uncertain and happy. You might not even be able to be uncertain and happy.
So in order to be happy, you have to find those negative self beliefs and change them.
THE EXERCISE:
This exercise is going to be a challenging one. And if you can’t be honest with yourself, you’ll fail. And you’ll continue to be miserable.
Open a word document on your computer, or find a blank page on a notepad, and write down every negative belief you have. This could take a long time. Maybe an hour, maybe a few hours.
You might want to split them up into categories:
What are all the negative beliefs you have about yourself?
What are all the negative beliefs you have about money?
What are all the negative beliefs you have about your parents, siblings and other family?
What are all the negative beliefs you have about work and career?
What are all the negative beliefs you have about dating?
What are all the negative beliefs you have about your relationships?
What are all the negative beliefs you have about friends?
What are all the negative beliefs you have about religions?
What are all the negative beliefs you have about other races and minorities?
What are all the negative beliefs you have about politics?
What are all the negative beliefs you have about the housing market?
What are all the negative beliefs you have about education?
What are all the negative beliefs you have about travel?
Choose categories that are relevant to you and the areas of your life you aren’t happy with. What do you want, but think you can have? Why? As I said, its going to take a while. And its going to be very confronting. You might be shocked at some of the things you write down. You might feel a lot of resistance.
STEP TWO:
Now you have a huge list of negative self beliefs. Just identifying them will help, since now you can see where your ‘mental blocks’ are coming from. However knowing isn’t enough. To be happy, you have to change those beliefs and to change them, you have to find proof they are wrong.
Rank your negative beliefs from least to most harmful. Then choose a belief to tackle. You might want to start small and prove to yourself you can change your mind before you tackle the big ones. Or you might be so outraged by your own beliefs, you want to tackle the biggest one first.
I’ll leave the decision up to you, but whatever you choose, if it isn’t working after a few weeks, change tact and work on a different one.
The next step is to actively find proof you are wrong. Google search, interview people, research, research, research. Ask other people for help looking for information.
EG: if your negative belief is that you are bad with money, learn everything about money management. Commit to reading a finance book every week and listen to finance podcasts. Become a finance expert.
If you want to lose weight, find people who have lost weight and kept it off for a year or more and follow what they did.
If you want to find a partner, 1, meet people, 2, learn about communication (read books, go to acting classes), 3, get a make over and 4, unless they make you feel unsafe, give everyone three chances.
Develop a system to educate yourself and find proof you are wrong. Work through your list until you have a whole new positive system of beliefs.
Moving Forward:
After that rather draining, confronting exercise, next week we will be doing another, though hopefully it will be a bit more fun and leave you feeling enthusiastic. It will be about designing the sort of person you want to be and letting go of the person you have let yourself become.
Hopefully that excites me as much as it does you.
Jake, In Summary
I’ve been doing these negative belief exercises for a fear years and despite my best efforts, some limiting beliefs are hard to let go of, and sometimes new ones form. This is natural and normal, so if you find yourself in this position, don’t fret.
We develop these beliefs because of things that happen to us, things people say. Failure and cruel remarks, even small ones, can be very damaging to us. Particularly if we don’t sit down and address the negative beliefs they have caused.
But now, when I feel resistance, I can sit down and puzzle out what belief is holding me back. I can look for proof that shows me it isn’t true. I find so much proof, I can’t possibly believe it anymore. And then I move on.
I hope you can too, because I’m not writing these blog posts for my sake, I am writing them for you. Because I want you to be happy too.
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