Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Dealing With Jealousy


- Dealing with Jealousy

There are two types of jealousy, one is good, the other is very bad. We all feel jealous occasionally, but if we know the good from the bad, we can admit to the good, embrace it even and stop ourselves if we realise we are experiencing the bad.

In a nutshell, good jealousy is when we desperately want something someone else has, but we don’t want to take it from the other person. EG: I am desperately jealous of my happily married friends, however I don’t want their husbands and I am happy they are happy. I want to be happy WITH them, not instead of them.

Bad jealousy is when we want something someone else has and we want them to lose it. We don’t want them to be happy; we want the object of our desire to be taken from them. Someone with bad jealousy might want a couple to break up or want a richer friend to have some misfortune to make them poor.

Good jealousy can be fantastic. It can motivate us to work harder for the things we want in life and we will often analyse how our friends or idols achieved their goals and learn from their journey. We can admit freely to this type of jealousy, with joy and happiness.

Bad jealousy will, quite literally, make you sick. It’s stressful and hateful. Not to mention that wanting bad things to happen to other people makes you a bad person. If we really don’t like someone, we should do our best to avoid and ignore them. We should not waste our energy and health on negative thoughts.

If you experience bad jealousy, you need to realise that just because someone else has something (money, a publishing contract, a loving husband or wife) it doesn’t mean you can’t have them. Good things in life are in abundance and we should be happy for the people who have made their dreams come true.

Whenever I feel jealous of someone, I admit it. First to myself, then to the person and I always make a point of telling them how fantastic it is that they achieved it and how happy I am for them. Then, when it’s appropriate, I ask how they went about making it happen. My friend had a baby recently, but I didn’t have to ask how she got him. That’s an example of when not to ask.


  1. So so true. I have a cunning, cruel jealousy in my head sometimes and that's jealousy you don't share with anyone and try and shove it out of your head. But the more I'm grateful for what I have the less jealous I am of those around me.

    1. I'm pretty sure I could (and should!) do a whole blog post on being grateful and focusing on the positives in your life.

      Next week perhaps?