Good: My massive tomcat Elliot jumping on the bed to say goodnight to me.
Bad: As I murmur ‘Goodnight, Elliot.’ He jams his entire paw into my mouth.
Worst: His paw is WET. My whole body goes rigid as I wait for my taste buds to determine if I am dealing with water from his water bowl or urine from the litter tray.
At the time I was thinking ‘oh my god, what fresh hell is this?! Why do I have cats?’ then it occurred to me: whenever any of them yawn, I jab them in the tongue with my finger. This wasn’t cat weirdness, it was deliberate and malicious payback.
Thankfully, it was water.
I was still disgusted.