Why Write? For When You Feel Like Giving Up

When You Feel Like Giving Up

Most of the people I associate with are interested in writing in some capacity. Authors, editors, hobbyists and those who wish they were all of the above. If you read this blog, its likely you write, or at least, wish you did. Which is fantastic, of course. People who love writing are the exact people I want to spend more time with. I love my tribe.

A few times a month though, on my twitter or facebook feed, I see someone who is close to giving up. Or, more likely, they want to write, but haven't been able to for a long time, have been beaten down by rejections, or have lost the passion for the project they are working on.

They ask their community for advice, or even if they should just give up completely. This is almost always met with an outpouring of support and encouragement. Often with a few tips or suggestions, and a few people reminding, whoever it is, to be kind to themselves and that they have been going through a lot lately.

The problems, advice and responses are always pretty much the same, which will either be reassuring, or disheartening, if you have recently been in that situation.

Honesty Is The Best Policy

If you want support and reassurance, posts like those I have mentioned are a good idea. There is no shame in giving your friends and family a chance to give you the love and support they feel, but rarely get to show.

If an ego boost is what you need, that is perfectly okay.

However, if you are really, honestly umming and ahhing about if you want to dedicate your time and energy to writing anymore, I have an exercise that may help you make that decision.

No one else can make the choice for you, either. No matter how well someone knows you and your life, they can't make the right call for you. Only you can make that call. However, I hope this exercise will make it very clear to you what the right call is.

The 'Should I Write' Exercise:

1. First, get a notepad and pen,or open a new word document. At the top of the page write:

"Why I Want To Write".

2. Under that, write a list of reasons why you want to write. Keep writing until you can't think of any more. Aim for between 20-30. Be honest, put things you would never admit out loud on there. Things like impressing people (maybe a specific person), making money, proving someone wrong, etc.

3. When you have your list of 20-30 very private reasons why you want to write, go through that list and try and come up with other ways you could achieve those things. EG: If you reason is 'Getting Rich' you could list things like 'Get a better job' or 'Ask for a raise'.

4. When you have gone through the entire list and come up with other ways to achieve the same results or feelings, look through the list again. Is there anything you want from writing you can't get anywhere but writing? Is there any real reason to keep writing?

Some of the reasons you might not be able to satisfy any other way include things like:

- I get a special joy from writing I can't get elsewhere.

- I want to share a specific story with the world.

- I need a way to get these ideas out of my head so they leave me alone.

- I needed stories like this growing up and they didn't exist.

Now you will either have a list of compelling reasons that you MUST write, or you will have a list of things you can do with your life that will make you equally happy.

I can't tell you what conclusion you will come to, but I can tell you by the end you will have a good idea if you want to keep writing, and why. Or why not. Maybe you have realized all the things you want from writing you can get elsewhere and there is no need for it in your life. Or maybe you will have realized why you need to write and feel invigorated again.

Either way, good luck moving forward, for all the right reasons.

ARRC And Getting The Most Out Of Conferences

The Australian Romance Readers Convention was last weekend (the 24th, 25th and 26th) and I flew down to Melbourne to attend. It was at Rydges, Melbourne, so that's where I stayed, flying in Friday and flying out Monday morning.

It was a fantastic event, I had such a good time and it made me even more pumped for the conferences I am attending later in the year: Genrecon and RWA.

The best thing about ARRC, for me, was the people. Everyone was so friendly. You could approach literally anyone, introduce yourself and instantly feel welcome and have a nice chat. And, if I stood still, even for a second, someone would come over and say hello and I would be in the middle of another fantastic conversation. There was zero snobbery, zero tension and no one was rushing or flustered because of a tight schedule.

The seminars were great too. Bronwyn Parry's session on regency etiquette was fascinating and I would have happily done a whole weekend workshop just on that. It is a READERS conference though, not a WRITERS conference. So there weren't many technical 'how to' topics. Mostly it was discussions about things we love (romance novels and shirtless men).

Someone said to me they rarely go to the panels, they just enjoy walking around talking to people and I think that is an entirely valid approach to many conferences. Networking and talking to people is the highlight for me too.

People who don't attend conferences often ask me why I go with a genuine sort of confusion. I suspect some people think they are like university classes, you go to get some sort of training or education. That's not necessarily untrue, but it's only a fraction of the whole.

Here are the reasons I go to conferences:

1. To network, make new friends and meet people.

2. To learn specific things.

3. To catch up on industry news that is still on the down-low.

4. To find out who and what is popular in genres I don't track very closely.

5. To hang out with my friends, who are often REALLY busy or in other states, so I often only see them at conferences.

6. To increase my own visibility and public profile.

A lot of people also go to conferences to get new books, get books signed, pitch to editors and agents, learn how the industry works, or learn about writing in general. All of those are equally valid.

So if you are going to go to a conference, here are my tips for getting the most out of it:

1. Know what you want.

Out of those reasons I listed, and any others you may have, what is important to you? If you go in with a focused list of goals, you're less likely to just drift from seminar to seminar, awkward and alone.

2. Be friendly.

If you make eye contact with someone, smile. If someone comes over to you and says hello, SMILE. Make them feel welcome in your space. Use open body language. Be polite and don't barge into conversations, but don't be shy about introducing yourself either. Depending on the convention, have a mental list of relevant questions. At ARRC it was:

- Are you a reader or an author?

- What genres do you read?

- What genres do you write?

- Who are you published with?

- Tell me about your blog? (Authors love bloggers)

- Are you enjoying the conference?

- Where are you from?

- What seminars are you excited about?

- Are you going to *insert various extras like dinner event*?

- Wasn't *keynote speaker* fantastic?

A light discussion about those topics will take at least 15 minutes, which is when one of you will usually flit on to someone else.

3. If you are coming to learn, have questions prepared in advance.

Meg and I are working on a sport romance so naturally I went to the sport romance talk. I knew before I even got to Melbourne what I wanted to learn in that session. Several of my questions were answered by the talk itself, and then I was ready to ask the others in the questions portion of the talk. I went away very happy.

However Bronwyn Parry's regency talk was just something I thought sounded interesting and the things I learnt in that session were far more interesting than anything I would have thought to ask about.

4. Wear appropriate clothing. Particularly shoes.

The hotel was air conditioned, which sometimes meant it was fine and sometimes meant it everyone got hypothermia. So a light jacket was a must. You also spent a lot of time on your feet, so comfortable shoes will save you a lot of pain.

The dress code for these events is almost always smart casual. You need clothes you can sit AND stand in for long periods comfortably. And since you are networking with other professionals, you need to be clean and semi presentable.

Conferences are often perfume free events too, since a lot of people have allergies. So plan accordingly. I ended up having to change shirts twice a day and ran out of clothes and had to wash a shirt in the sink for Sunday. I failed at planning.

Also don't wear your favourite pair of jeans which have started ripping all the time, or they will rip at the awards dinner and your editor and a famous author will have to check how much of your ass is hanging out at what is essentially a black tie event.

True story.

5. Remember it's a professional event.

Don't be rude. Don't talk behind someone's back. Don't get drunk. Don't make a mess. Don't be smelly and dirty. Don't cry to strangers about your divorce. Don't disparage the theme of the convention or subsections of the attendees. Don't talk during seminars. Put your phone on vibrate.

Even if you think people won't remember you, they do. I met an author a few years back and saw them again at the conference this weekend. We were introduced by a mutual friend and I said I didn't expect them to recall, but we had met before. Despite me being 15kgs lighter, having 2 feet less hair and different glasses, they still recognised me and recalled the conversation we had.

I know the idea will make some of you very nervous. However if you are friendly and nice to everyone, you don't have anything to be nervous about. If you want to be an author, you WANT people to remember you. That's part of the goal.

Australia has a fantastic writing community. For the most part, people are supportive and open minded. Anyone who is rude or judges you is in the minority and for the most part, can be ignored completely.

Go to conferences, have a fantastic time. I'll probably be there too, though hopefully without a giant, gaping hole in the ass of my jeans.

7 Ways To Recharge When Your Writing Tank Is Empty

We all get blocked. Maybe we're not stopped, but we've slowed down. We were aiming for 1000 words a day and we're hitting 200. Writing feels hard. We're struggling for words, even though we really love writing and have great reasons to be writing. It's not writer's block, it's just an empty tank.

You need to refuel.

1. Read.

Reading is the number one way I recharge my writing battery. Hands down, it is the more effective thing for me personally and I love doing it. However because I am so busy, I rarely make time for it.

I think the top three best things you can read to get you out of a writing funk is to re-read something you really love, read books about writing craft, or read something well outside if your normal comfort zone that still looks good, a new author or genre, for example.

Re-reading something I love always makes me excited to get back to my own writing. There are four trilogies that I go back to over and over when I want to be inspired and they are: The Tamir Triad by Lynn Flewelling (I've probably read it a dozen times, all up), The Leviathan Trilogy by Scott Westerfeld, The Captive Prince Trilogy by C.S Pacat and The First Law Trilogy by Joe Abercrombie (along with other books in the same world). I also regularly re-read China Mieville's short story collections. You will undoubtedly have your own favourites.

Books on writing craft often give me new ways to look at writing, or ideas I can implement to fix the weaknesses in my own writing, which immediately makes me want to go back and work on that.

New books, books out of my comfort zone, often introduce me to new ideas, tropes and styles. Which is always good, as it expands your mental writer toolset. For me, this is the highest risk option, because it is hard to find books I enjoy and I can just as easily get annoyed.

2. Exercise.

If I am using exercise to clear my head for writing, its important I only listen to instrumental music so I am forced to be alone with my thoughts. For this reason, doing manual tasks like gardening, washing, sweeping, etc also count as 'exercise'. The important thing is your hands and body are busy and your mind is not distracted by TV, games, facebook or anything else.

Getting blood into the brain is also good for thinking, so getting your pulse up can really help. But mostly I think it is the 'busy hands, distraction free' element that is helpful.

3. Go somewhere new.

You don't have to leave the state or country, just go to a nearby town you've never visited and walk up and down the main street. Go to that shop you pass all the time and never go inside. Go to national parks near you and check out the facility. The important thing is, that you go to places you have never been before. It's amazing for creating new connections in the brain.

As an added bonus, if you do this once a week or more, it will make the year pass much less quickly. Novel experiences break up our routine, which stops the brain from condensing our memories of time so much.

4. Talk about it with other writers.

Being part of an active writing community is, in my opinion, one of the best parts of writing. The people I choose to be around are friendly, supportive, intelligent and interesting. Not all writing tribes are and you get out of it what you put in.

However when you are stuck, being able to meet for coffee or chat online about your project, feelings and obstacles can be very cathartic. Find a tribe, support them, be nice to them, listen to them and they will do the same for you.

5. Create something else.

Writing is an act of creation. There are thousands of ways you can create things and sometimes if you are a bit depleted in the writing front, creating something else will help you feel energised again.

It could be art, sculpture, cooking, gardening, music, video games, web design, making something practical, wood working, sewing, knitting, the list goes on. You don't have to be good at it, you don't have to make something you could sell. Joy comes in the act of creating itself. And learning new skills helps your brain make new pathways. It makes you smarter and happier.

6. Finish one of those unfinished jobs.

If you are like me, you have a huge list of things that need to get done. Crossing them off can give you a huge rush of accomplishment and a massive ego boost that you can then channel into your writing. Choose whichever job has been sitting around the longest and get it done. Buckle down. Finish it.

You will feel amazeballs.

7. Journal your feelings.

I journal a lot and I am so grateful to my friend Scarlett, who inadvertently got me back into it. It doesn't matter what in my life is stressing me or frustrating me, I write about it in my journal. I am 100% honest. I let myself ramble and say a bunch of nonsensical shit. I say things I would never, ever say out loud. I say things I don't mean, just so I can get negative feelings out of my system. Sometimes I say I want to punch people in the face or I wish something horrible would happen to them--I don't really want that. I'm just angry or upset with them for some reason.

I write about my writing the same way. I let all my fears and rage and hopelessness out on the page. I say a lot of stuff I don't really believe, so that those words are out of my head. All that negative self talk has to GO SOMEWHERE. Put it in a journal, so it's not in your head anymore, repeating itself like some demented parrot.

Think of words and thoughts as a real, tangible thing. As taking up space in the world. You can't make them disappear. If you think negative things, they will stay in your head until you put them somewhere else. It's like food. You eat it and if you don't poop it out agian, it's still in there, festering in your gut. Some of it its turned into heat and energy and that leaves your body too. Food never just vanishes.

Poop out the gross words in your head into a journal. You'll be glad you did.

And hopefully, you'll be able to go back to writing.